The time machine has yet to be invented. Hurry up already, damnit.

LOL@Me

Sun, 24 Jun 2007 12:43:29 GMT

I just realized that I whine too much. :)

Blaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhh.

Fri, 22 Jun 2007 16:37:20 GMT

Life = Suckage. I mean...really. Everything is total crap right now and I am THE most disgruntled and irritated person I know.

Hold on for dear life!

Thu, 31 May 2007 02:53:19 GMT

So today I read my horoscope after getting off work. I haven't read my horoscope in over a year so what posessed me to do so today is beyond me. XD But this is what it said:

Holding your ground is worth it, no matter how difficult it seems. Not only will your self-confidence grow, but you'll gain someone else's respect too. Remind yourself of what's at stake and your grip will get stronger.

That can be applied to a hundred different aspects of my life right now. It's nice to have some encouragement to go by, even if it's from some random site found through Google. :P

All these things...

Mon, 28 May 2007 10:04:12 GMT

"Torn apart of the seams of my dreams turn to tears...
I'm not feeling this situation.
Run away try to find a safe place you can hide
The best place to be when you're feeling like me.

All these things I hate revolve around me.
Just back off before i snap."

--Bullet For My Valentine "All These Things I Hate"

Spyware = For The Lose.

Tue, 22 May 2007 22:58:27 GMT

AHHHHHH.

So, know what happens when you click on a link and you don't know where it goes?

You get AIDS.

J/K. But.....you get Spyware. And my system is seriously crawling with stupid Spyware and ARGH I'm quite irritated at the moment. I've got an anti-virus program and two anti-spyware programs running right now lol, hopefully I can get this crap off of my computer. Otherwise the only other option is one I'm not very fond of---nuking the hard drive and re-installing Windows. I have waaaaaaaaay too much stuff that would be hard to replace, so I'm trying to avoid that option in every way possible.

I've been talking with my buddy Josh for months about computers and how I need a newer and faster one anyway.....maybe this crap will finally prompt me to buy the parts he specifies so he can build me a new one. -___-

Financially I'm not like, rich, but I'm stable. I guess I could afford the parts.

Bruce went to Ohio for two weeks (something about his grandma) so I'm alone. Yay for quiet apartment....not really. I need to get out and do something.

On a lighter note....I was playing with the kittens I'm temporarily housing for a co-worker this morning....and this little black one was the only one that let me pet him, the other ones were like OMG when I approached. And that black one was wrestling with my hand XD It had to have been the cutest thing ever. They're so small. But yeah, anyway, that black kitten will be the one I choose. Since I get a free kitten outta the deal. :D

I will name him......Raziel. Raz for short. :)

Burning Petals

Tue, 22 May 2007 09:59:26 GMT

"She braves the dusk this lone night
Haunted by demons of sight
As wearied men, worn bodies
Stoop over remnants of old
Burning petals of despair
Flames soar, their stories unfold

She floats like the embers of strangers
Lost in antique reels and torn pages
Of hope lost and lives spent in cages
She braves the past tonight
Searching for oblivion

Faces passing through the cold
Deviant lives fitting one mold
She trails nostalgia in a gasp
Savors the anguish in her grasp
Reeking of panic and gloom
In the bonfire, she’s entombed

She searches for answers
She seeks her own refuge
She finds remedy in obscurity
She surrenders to…oblivion"

--Hastang "Oblivion"

This song, I was like wow...cuz not only is the band from Cebu, Phillippines (my homeland) and not only do they totally rock. But this song...it totally describes my character Raven from the webcomic I still have in the works. I was like yay! When I release the script (whenever the heck that will be), it'll seem a whole lot clearer to you peoples. :)

......

Sun, 06 May 2007 03:22:32 GMT

"I still remember the world,
From the eyes of a child.
Slowly those feelings
Were clouded by what I know now.

Where has my heart gone?
An uneven trade for the real world.
Oh I... I want to go back to
Believing in everything and not knowing nothing at all.

I still remember the sun,
Always warm on my back.
Somehow it seems colder now.

Where has my heart gone?
Trapped in the eyes of a stranger.
Oh I... I want to go back to
Believing in everything.

I still remember."

--Evanescence "Field of Innocence"

Thu, 19 Apr 2007 08:44:52 GMT

"Morning smiles,
like the face of a newborn child.
Innocent, unknowing
Winter's end
Promises of a long lost friend
speaks to me of comfort.

But I fear...
I have nothing to give.
I have so much to lose,
here in this lonely place.
Tangled up in our embrace,
there's nothing I'd like better than to fall.
But I fear I have nothing to give.

Wind in time
Rapes the flower trembling on the vine.
Nothing yields to shelter it from above.
They say temptation will destroy our love
The never ending hunger.

But I fear
I have nothing to give.
I have so much to lose."

--"Fear" by Sarah McLachlan

Anger in the Skies

Fri, 30 Mar 2007 23:19:58 GMT

Man, these storms are making me paranoid. Right now as I type this I have the TV on the Weather Channel and there's A LOT of rain falling outside, and yesterday here in Yukon a tornado touched down. It's crazy stuff. And in the Oklahoma City area there are reporters from TWC investigating the flooding, which there's a lot. We're under a flash flood warning and a tornado watch, and as I said, I'm paranoid after yesterday. The tornado that touched down in Yukon was never foreseen, the newscasters and the National Weather Service did not issue any warnings until AFTER it touched down. It was nuts. And there was a tornado in OKC too. So I'm like, crap! And JUST NOW, on the news, a tornado warning was just issued for the lower half of the state and part of that storm is in Yukon as I speak so yeah....um.....AHHH. XD

It's a rush, lemme tell you. Living under a sky that threatens to eat you at any time. That's called living on the edge.

Thu, 29 Mar 2007 23:32:21 GMT

"A groan of tedium escapes me, startling the fearful.
Is this a test?
It has to be. otherwise I can’t go on.
Draining patience. drain vitality.
This paranoid, paralyzed vampire act’s a little old.

But I’m still right here, giving blood and keeping faith. and I’m still right
Here.
But I’m still right here, giving blood and keeping faith. and I’m still right
Here.

I’m gonna wait it out.

If there were no rewards to reap,
No loving embrace to see me through this tedious path I’ve chosen here,
I certainly would’ve walked away by now.

I’m gonna wait it out.

I still may. and I still may.
Be patient.

I must keep reminding myself of this...

If there were no rewards to reap,
No loving embrace to see me through this tedious path I’ve chosen here,
I certainly would’ve walked away by now.
And I still may. and I still may. and I still may.

I’m gonna wait it out.
I’m gonna wait it out.
Gonna wait it out.
Gonna wait it out."

--Tool "The Patient"

Flashy Lights and Amy Lee

Thu, 22 Mar 2007 10:07:06 GMT

Dude.

Evanescence was AMAZING in concert. I already figured they would be, but holy cow, I've never seen a more breathtaking performance. Amy Lee, she's something else. I can't describe how awesome it was watching her on stage. And the lighting techniques used during their performance only amplified the feeling of awe. I can't describe the full extent of how awesome that concert was so I will stop before I have a seizure just trying to muster the words. But man. That was truly an experience I will treasure for years.

Of Evanescence and Internet.

Wed, 21 Mar 2007 18:27:52 GMT

So like, today is a good day. So far. The cable dude came and FINALLY hooked up the internet in my apartment, so now I don't have to use retarded wireless signals any longer. Yay, right? Also, tonight will be totally freakin awesome. Because I am going to see Amy Lee and no one is going to stop me. That's right, Evanescence. I'm going to the concert tonight. :D I love that band with a passion, so like, I'm psyched. Waited too many years to finally see them on stage. Well anywho, that's all for now. Updates later. :)

Crazy Dreams...

Sat, 03 Mar 2007 11:11:39 GMT

I had this wierd dream last night that I still can't get over. I normally don't remember my dreams, or don't even dream at all, but this one really stuck. The whole world was in disarray, and people split up into two major "factions", if you will. One faction seemed to be a peaceful one, the other was full of radicals and seemed to me like the way terrorists are, religious fundamentalists. This faction had members of near-violent actions. The radicals were kidnapping people from the peaceful faction, making them join their side (or at least that's what I assume), and in the dream I was with a group of friends, either people I work with or just people I know in this area. The dream took place here in Yukon, and started with me talking to a co-worker named Lanae here in my apartments, where she lives as well. She stated that she couldn't find her kids, and that she feared the other faction got them. So myself and the group I was with journeyed around the city (which was in shambles and there was no longer any business going on in stores and most stores were ransacked and already emptied by people) and the sky was a really dark red and the streets were lit by torches and bonfires. We found her middle daughter, Ashley, downtown in an alleyway with some other people who were crowded around trashfires. She stated that her older sister Emiko was taken by the other faction, and she didn't know where Atlanta, her younger sister, was. We took her back to Lanae and that's about when I was woken up by Bruce because of him moving around in the bed. I don't know what else would have happened in that crazy dream had I slept longer, but I found it strangely amusing that Bruce had a similar dream a few days ago that wasn't exactly that way but involved world chaos and two sides and people chasing a group he was with down in vehicles. On top of that he said that a lot of people were missing, like in my dream.

Wierd.

OKAMI RAWKS!

Fri, 23 Feb 2007 11:54:27 GMT

So like....Okami.....

I've officially decided that it's one of the coolest games ever. Seriously, it's a LOT of fun to run around as the Sun God of Japan in the form of a white wolf with crazy powers.

Crappy Internet

Sun, 18 Feb 2007 23:37:39 GMT

Sorry for the triple post I made last night, I deleted the excess. The internet connection was crapping out and everytime I tried to post, it wouldn't load the screen that says "Posted Successfully". So I was under the impression that I didn't post the journal. So I kept trying lol. The connection's been crap lately.

I HATE THE DERVISH!

Sun, 04 Feb 2007 22:31:08 GMT

Hah....so like, sorry for the last 3 lyrical posts...they're all Flyleaf songs and they sorta reflect my thoughts so I had to post. But anyway, I've been playing Guild Wars again recently and I've been incredibly annoyed and irritated at the new characters from the Nightfall expansion. Especially and mostly....the Dervish. I hate them. I play on the PvP (player-versus-player) server a lot and also in the Ascalon Arena and both of my characters are Ranger/Warriors (Kazera Wolfsbane on the Prophecies campaign and Kazera Wolfblaze on the PvP server for anyone who plays) and like, the Dervish are superhuman literally. I don't know what the heck makes them so hard to kill but it's so annoying. So I get slaughtered by them more than take them down. And yeah, I've killed a few....but....it's not enough. I'm trying so hard to devise a strategy with Ranger skills to take them down. And some Ranger skills are outright targeted towards characters who have enchantments on them constantly like the Dervish. But it's still hard. I even have PETS. One's a wolf and the other's a panther. And they have their own set of awesome skills. But STILL it's hard. I'm so annoyed. You know the game's gone terribly one-sided when a level 5 Dervish is slaughtering characters that are level 10 in the Ascalon Arena no problem. BAH. Stupid Nightfall characters. And yeah....that's all. I just wanted to rant. :D

Sun, 04 Feb 2007 21:54:22 GMT

"Sometimes life seems too quiet..
Into paralyzing silence...
Like the moonless dark...
Meant to make me strong.

Familiar breath of my old lies...
Changed the color in my eyes.
Soon he will perforate the fabric of the peaceful by and by....

Sorrow lasts through this night.
I'll take this piece of you,
And hold for all eternity.
For just one second I felt whole...
As you fell right through me.

Left alone with only reflections of the memory...
To face the ugly girl
That's smothering me.
Sitting closer than my pain..
He knew each tear before it came.
Soon he will perforate the fabric of the peaceful by and by...

Sorrow lasts through this night.
I'll take this piece of you,
And hold for all eternity.
For just one second I felt whole....
As you fell right through me.

And we kiss each other one more time.
And sing this lie that's halfway mine.
The sword is slicing through the question....
So I won't be fooled by his angel light.

Sorrow lasts through this night.
I'll take this piece of you,
And hold for all eternity.
For just one second I felt whole...
As you fell right through me.
And up into the stars.

Joy will come..."

--"Sorrow" by Flyleaf

Sun, 04 Feb 2007 21:47:08 GMT

"Telling Layla's story spoken...
About how all her bones are broken.
Hammers fall on all the pieces...
Two months in the cover creases.

Fully alive,
More than most.
Ready to smile and love life.
Fully alive, and she knows
How to believe in futures.

All my complaints shrink to nothing.
I'm ashamed of all my somethings.
She's glad for one day of comfort,
Only because she has suffered.

Fully alive,
More than most.
Ready to smile and love life.
Fully alive, and she knows
How to believe in futures."

--"Fully Alive" by Flyleaf

Good Lord.

Wed, 24 Jan 2007 04:43:35 GMT

Someone just shoot me. Then everyone will be happy.

Mon, 22 Jan 2007 04:06:56 GMT

"I will forgive but I won't forget
And I hope you know you've lost my respect

You better watch out,
If you don't know what's going on around you.
You better think twice,
Before you fly off the handle and lose it.
You better join us,
Before you get lost in the shuffle.
You gotta rise against
The demons that are gonna try and hold you down.

Does it run in your blood to betray the ones you love?

I'm not a pawn for you to play in your f*****g game.
I've got dignity, and a dream that I want to achieve.
Under pressure, you crumbled and you let me down.

Does it run in your blood to betray the ones you love?

I will forgive but I won't forget.
And I hope you know,
You've lost my respect."

--Papa Roach "Blood (Empty Promises)"

The panther and the wolf.

Mon, 22 Jan 2007 03:43:00 GMT

(Written last night in wordpad...)

The world is a funny place. It's full of lies and hate and thoughts that should not even exist. Evil is all around us and it's that evil that tears friends and families apart and causes rifts between people that once were bonded in love. Life is a test of just how far you can go without submitting to the terrible forces that make peace on earth impossible. And I regret to say that I haven't gotten very far at all, for other people's drama has caused me to turn upon someone I once considered family. But I'm not all to blame. And I don't regret what has happened tonight. The only thing I regret is that I never wanted anyone to live with me, maybe if I had told her I wanted her to be my roommate, she wouldn't be so very far gone that I can no longer see the person I used to know. She wouldn't be living with a man who thinks he's a god and can mess with any girl right in front of her face. She wouldn't be getting into substances all the time that make her a complete mess. But everything happens for a reason....I can't for the life of me see the logic in this design....but God has something up his sleeve all the time. Always a plan. My rage is even shocking to me, but it's rage for the fact that she can't keep her mouth shut and runs it off about two of our friends who really didn't do anything to her at all....this has caused her "man" to decide he wants to hurt them. Physically harm them. And they never spoke a word to him until he called them out. They don't deserve it. They deserve to be left alone. And she'd let everything happen, let them get hurt. What goes on in that head is beyond me. And if she honestly thought that Keeper being in danger wouldn't get me involved, then she's even more messed up than I thought. I love her still and always will, but this is far too impassable. And she denied it tonight, denied the fact that this all started because of her mouth. I pointed at the people standing around us, ready to fight, all because of her recklessness. And I said it was all because of her words. And still she screamed that she never said anything at all. If she never said anything, then how and why does her boyfriend know so much about her past and the relationships she had with Cameron and Keeper? I told her I didn't believe her. And she shoved me and was really about to fight me, and I raised my bat at that point in self defense. It came to this because of her. It's all because of her. Our friendship is done because of her. The panther and the wolf once were in union....but now they bare their teeth.

She did a lot for me, and I am forever grateful. But I believe in the greater good of this, and Cameron and Keeper never did anything to deserve a face up in theirs telling them he's going to knock them in the jaw. Thankfully no one got hurt and even mister high-and-mighty made not one single move to hurt them. All talk and no walk. As always. And the cops showed up at a perfect time. But she really was going to fight me for calling her out on her own actions, her mouth. If you ask me....I think that's just the guilt in her, trying to deny the reality of the situation.

For what it's worth, I do wish her the best. But I don't plan to stick around and find out if she ever truly grows up or not. I'm done. Graduation's over and done with, and I think it's time the members of the class of '06 start living the lives of adults.

Drama for the Masses.

Sat, 20 Jan 2007 10:42:18 GMT

Once upon a time there happily lived a couple--a kind of odd couple, but the inhabitants of the land loved them so. A panther and a dragonwolf were to be wed together one day in the future. The dragonwolf loved the panther so that he was so very faithfully intent on spending his life with her. But the blackened clouds of disaster rolled in to reveal fate's cruel plan. The panther was part of the military for the kingdom, and she was to go into training for combat. She would be gone a long time. The dragonwolf knew that the pain of letting her go would be too hard. He stayed up long long nights pondering how he should feel and how he should act. He finally concluded that saying goodbye would be way too hard and would hurt very much. He couldn't watch her go. So he wrote her a note that told her that perhaps it's best to take a break until she returned, because it would hurt him too much to speak to her through letters while she was miles away for too long. He just wanted her to be near. She reacted to this in a completely different way than what he had hoped. She felt rejected and felt that she was not good enough for him to wait for her. But that wasn't the truth. To him, she was his everything. And he would wait for her every day that passed, but she didn't take the time to realize his love was more than she gave it credit for. She left for the military and he was left wondering if what he did was right. And perhaps his words were unnecessary. But it was what he knew would help him to bear the distance between them for the time she was gone.

The panther reached the base for training, but time soon revealed that she wasn't made for the military. She was sent home. And the reality that hit her was too much for her. She suddenly did not know what she would do with her life, for her plans were for the military. She felt like she had failed. Upon returning home, everyone knew she wasn't quite her. And the dragonwolf attempted to mend their relationship and continue where they left off, but she outright rejected him. And his heart was broken. She wouldn't even give him a chance. Instead she turned to the pub and party life, and lived by the bottle. The friends she would soon make would push the dragonwolf and all the people she loved away from her for what may become a long time.

There was a maned wolf that the panther considered her closest friend. The maned wolf was friends with the dragonwolf too, but tried her best to stay out of the middle of them both. It wasn't her place. She was among the first to see the change in the panther. But she said nothing, because it was best to remain silent. She figured it was just a phase, brought on by the military incident. She believed she'd eventually see her friend return to normal.

How wrong the maned wolf was. Because the panther only got worse.

The panther met a hyena who was not exactly a prince charming. He was rude and a control freak and thought the world revolved around him. Yet she was drawn to him like a fly to a zapper. Everyone around could see that he treated her like his property. Not like a goddess like the dragonwolf did. He even chased other females, including the maned wolf, who turned him down easily just out of respect and love for the panther. And the panther's bitterness towards the last two individuals she was in a relationship with before the hyena sparked a huge complex problem. The hyena who was high on himself decided he wanted to tear apart the dragonwolf and a winged wolf the panther was with a while back. For what reasons? The mere fact that she opened her mouth and talked about them both as if they were horrible people who deserved to get hurt.

The maned wolf was with the winged wolf and the dragonwolf was best friends with them both. So together the three of them developed a disdain for the hyena and a growing disappointment in the panther. The future was warring over recklessly spoken words. And the hyena loomed over their lives with his taunting laughter like madness. The only thing that would shut him up was confrontation. The one thing he wanted.

What was most shocking to all who knew the panther was that she would let harm befall upon the dragonwolf. Everyone believed that he didn't do anything wrong. He loved her with his all. No other reason than that would have compelled him to place a ring on her finger. And no other reason than that would keep him holding on to that ring even after she walked away from him.

So the three were faced with the reality that a rift was between them and the panther now. And the hyena had the intention of fighting even though he never knew them personally at all. The maned wolf took these things to heart and made a decision to choose to fight for the greater good. In protection of her friend the dragonwolf and her mate, she turned on the panther. And with a snarl and bristling fur, she made it clear whose side she was on in this. If the panther was to wish harm on those who did not deserve it, and remain in a relationship that was not even near close to what the panther truly deserved, then the maned wolf had no choice. Their friendship would have to be severed for the right reasons.

And the war rages on even now. The snarls and the growling and the insults grow more and more loud. And so does the laughter of the hyena, who believes he is right in everything he does. But the rest of the world knows better.

Such events can only be described as completely stupid. And it started with one person forgetting who she is. And thus forgetting the people she once loved the most.

Winter Wonderland.

Tue, 16 Jan 2007 10:00:28 GMT

I've been without internet connection for a few days now, but somehow someway my wireless card picked up a connection when I got home from work tonight. So yay, I will now update and such.

Snow and ice in Oklahoma is like the apocalypse. Everyone panics and most people don't know much about driving in snow and on frozen roads. Then there's people like Bruce.....who enjoy sliding all over the place in a little Ford Tempo.....XD

Cars + Ice + Oklahoma = Entertaining stuff. Watching stupid teenage kids spin around in circles in the cars their parents bought them out in the parking lot near my workplace is fun. :)

So obviously, it's cold like crazy. I don't like cold, but I prefer Winter over Summer for the mere fact that I hate the feeling of being roasted and for some reason being in a refrigerator feels better. Although, I could do without the loss of hours this week at work. Because of the fact that Oklahomans don't really leave their houses much when winter storms hit, the business has been really crappy lately. So we've been closing early all week and I've lost a load of hours because of that. Oh well I suppose...it really can't be helped. But anyway....it's nice to have someone to keep me warm at night....because I'm a wuss in the cold. And my bedroom window needs some maintenance because it won't shut completely and air gets through the crack. Yeah....It's nice just to have someone, period. :)

On another note, I've decided that since high school ended a while ago, that I'm staying faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaar away from the high school drama crap that somehow still goes on even after graduation. It's ridiculous. If people would just learn how to grow up properly, everyone else in range of their mouths would be so much better off.

Everything's okay now.

Sun, 07 Jan 2007 17:21:13 GMT

"I close my eyes, and I smile,
Knowing that everything is alright.
To the core.
Close that door.
Is this happening?

And I knew it from the start...
So my arms are open wide.
Your head is on my stomach,
And we're trying so hard not to fall asleep.

But here we are
On this 18th floor balcony...
we're both flying away.

We talked about mom's and dad's.
About family's pasts.
Getting to know where we came from.
Our hearts were on display,
For all to see.
I can't believe this is happening.
I raised my hand as if to show you I was yours..
That I was so yours for the taking.
I'm still so yours for the taking.
Thats when I felt the wind pick up
I grabbed the rail while choking up
These words to say and then you kissed me...

And I'll try to sleep
to keep you in my dreams
so I can bring you home with me
and I'll try to sleep
and you keeping you in my...dreams

I knew it from the start
My arms are open wide
Your head is on my stomach
We're not going to sleep
But here we are
On this 18th floor balcony...we're both..
flying away."

--"18th Floor Balcony" by Blue October

Up all night....

Sat, 06 Jan 2007 09:14:46 GMT

"Six days went by...
Trying to forget your face.
It was you and I...
We were too young for these games.

And all the pictures that I kept...
And all the things I should have said...
It was you and I...
But mostly me.

Lost in you,
And I can’t find myself again

Six weeks went by...
Still pretending that I’m fine.
It was you and I.
Holding back what’s on our minds.

And all the things I should have said.
And all the letters left unsent.
It was you and I.
But mostly me.

Six months went by...
I almost forgot your face.
'Till they played that song tonight...
The one we used to hate.

Lost in you...
And I can't find myself again."

--"Lost in You" by Sugarcult