Life = Suckage. I mean...really. Everything is total crap right now and I am THE most disgruntled and irritated person I know.

So today I read my horoscope after getting off work. I haven't read my horoscope in over a year so what posessed me to do so today is beyond me. XD But this is what it said:

Holding your ground is worth it, no matter how difficult it seems. Not only will your self-confidence grow, but you'll gain someone else's respect too. Remind yourself of what's at stake and your grip will get stronger.

That can be applied to a hundred different aspects of my life right now. It's nice to have some encouragement to go by, even if it's from some random site found through Google. :P

AHHHHHH. 


So, know what happens when you click on a link and you don't know where it goes? 

You get AIDS. 

J/K. But.....you get Spyware. And my system is seriously crawling with stupid Spyware and ARGH I'm quite irritated at the moment. I've got an anti-virus program and two anti-spyware programs running right now lol, hopefully I can get this crap off of my computer. Otherwise the only other option is one I'm not very fond of---nuking the hard drive and re-installing Windows. I have waaaaaaaaay too much stuff that would be hard to replace, so I'm trying to avoid that option in every way possible. 

I've been talking with my buddy Josh for months about computers and how I need a newer and faster one anyway.....maybe this crap will finally prompt me to buy the parts he specifies so he can build me a new one. -___-

Financially I'm not like, rich, but I'm stable. I guess I could afford the parts. 

Bruce went to Ohio for two weeks (something about his grandma) so I'm alone. Yay for quiet apartment....not really. I need to get out and do something. 

On a lighter note....I was playing with the kittens I'm temporarily housing for a co-worker this morning....and this little black one was the only one that let me pet him, the other ones were like OMG when I approached. And that black one was wrestling with my hand XD It had to have been the cutest thing ever. They're so small. But yeah, anyway, that black kitten will be the one I choose. Since I get a free kitten outta the deal. :D

I will name him......Raziel. Raz for short. :)

"She braves the dusk this lone night
Haunted by demons of sight
As wearied men, worn bodies
Stoop over remnants of old
Burning petals of despair
Flames soar, their stories unfold

She floats like the embers of strangers
Lost in antique reels and torn pages
Of hope lost and lives spent in cages
She braves the past tonight
Searching for oblivion

Faces passing through the cold
Deviant lives fitting one mold
She trails nostalgia in a gasp
Savors the anguish in her grasp
Reeking of panic and gloom
In the bonfire, she’s entombed

She searches for answers
She seeks her own refuge
She finds remedy in obscurity
She surrenders to…oblivion"

--Hastang "Oblivion"

This song, I was like wow...cuz not only is the band from Cebu, Phillippines (my homeland) and not only do they totally rock. But this song...it totally describes my character Raven from the webcomic I still have in the works. I was like yay! When I release the script (whenever the heck that will be), it'll seem a whole lot clearer to you peoples. :)

"I still remember the world,
From the eyes of a child.
Slowly those feelings
Were clouded by what I know now.

Where has my heart gone?
An uneven trade for the real world.
Oh I... I want to go back to
Believing in everything and not knowing nothing at all.

I still remember the sun,
Always warm on my back.
Somehow it seems colder now.

Where has my heart gone?
Trapped in the eyes of a stranger.
Oh I... I want to go back to
Believing in everything.

I still remember."

--Evanescence "Field of Innocence"

Man, these storms are making me paranoid. Right now as I type this I have the TV on the Weather Channel and there's A LOT of rain falling outside, and yesterday here in Yukon a tornado touched down. It's crazy stuff. And in the Oklahoma City area there are reporters from TWC investigating the flooding, which there's a lot. We're under a flash flood warning and a tornado watch, and as I said, I'm paranoid after yesterday. The tornado that touched down in Yukon was never foreseen, the newscasters and the National Weather Service did not issue any warnings until AFTER it touched down. It was nuts. And there was a tornado in OKC too. So I'm like, crap! And JUST NOW, on the news, a tornado warning was just issued for the lower half of the state and part of that storm is in Yukon as I speak so yeah....um.....AHHH. XD

It's a rush, lemme tell you. Living under a sky that threatens to eat you at any time. That's called living on the edge.

So like, today is a good day. So far. The cable dude came and FINALLY hooked up the internet in my apartment, so now I don't have to use retarded wireless signals any longer. Yay, right? Also, tonight will be totally freakin awesome. Because I am going to see Amy Lee and no one is going to stop me. That's right, Evanescence. I'm going to the concert tonight. :D I love that band with a passion, so like, I'm psyched. Waited too many years to finally see them on stage. Well anywho, that's all for now. Updates later. :)

I had this wierd dream last night that I still can't get over. I normally don't remember my dreams, or don't even dream at all, but this one really stuck. The whole world was in disarray, and people split up into two major "factions", if you will. One faction seemed to be a peaceful one, the other was full of radicals and seemed to me like the way terrorists are, religious fundamentalists. This faction had members of near-violent actions. The radicals were kidnapping people from the peaceful faction, making them join their side (or at least that's what I assume), and in the dream I was with a group of friends, either people I work with or just people I know in this area. The dream took place here in Yukon, and started with me talking to a co-worker named Lanae here in my apartments, where she lives as well. She stated that she couldn't find her kids, and that she feared the other faction got them. So myself and the group I was with journeyed around the city (which was in shambles and there was no longer any business going on in stores and most stores were ransacked and already emptied by people) and the sky was a really dark red and the streets were lit by torches and bonfires. We found her middle daughter, Ashley, downtown in an alleyway with some other people who were crowded around trashfires. She stated that her older sister Emiko was taken by the other faction, and she didn't know where Atlanta, her younger sister, was. We took her back to Lanae and that's about when I was woken up by Bruce because of him moving around in the bed. I don't know what else would have happened in that crazy dream had I slept longer, but I found it strangely amusing that Bruce had a similar dream a few days ago that wasn't exactly that way but involved world chaos and two sides and people chasing a group he was with down in vehicles. On top of that he said that a lot of people were missing, like in my dream. 

Wierd. 

Sorry for the triple post I made last night, I deleted the excess. The internet connection was crapping out and everytime I tried to post, it wouldn't load the screen that says "Posted Successfully". So I was under the impression that I didn't post the journal. So I kept trying lol. The connection's been crap lately.

"Telling Layla's story spoken...
About how all her bones are broken.
Hammers fall on all the pieces...
Two months in the cover creases.

Fully alive,
More than most.
Ready to smile and love life.
Fully alive, and she knows
How to believe in futures.

All my complaints shrink to nothing.
I'm ashamed of all my somethings.
She's glad for one day of comfort,
Only because she has suffered.

Fully alive,
More than most.
Ready to smile and love life.
Fully alive, and she knows
How to believe in futures."

--"Fully Alive" by Flyleaf